I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
