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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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