so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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