that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
