i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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