i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
