i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
