does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
