We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
