Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
