I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Alive.
So much puke
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
