look no pants
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
