If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
