a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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