the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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