i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
farters have to be the big spoon...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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