good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
