too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
