So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
