fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
