can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
