the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
