i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
