Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
