Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
