So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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