As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
