remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
