she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
