I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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