I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
