sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
