someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
