Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
