are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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