i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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