I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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