Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
