I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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