Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
