I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
