At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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