It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
