I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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