I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
