is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
