So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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