That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
