so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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