so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
